1.1.14

New Year's delusions (er, I mean resolutions)

Gratuitous baby pic
Happy New Year, readers. I hope you all had a great, fun, riotous time last night. My husband and I stayed at home, had a friend over, watched a movie, and played a board game. Oh, and drank champagne. I know it sounds very dull, but, with a 10 month old asleep in her nursery, there's not many options for New Year's Eve partying. But that's just an excuse, really. I've always felt New Year's Eve to be the most over rated holiday, especially since I moved to Scotland, where Hogmanay (as it's called) is like some sort of high holy day. It's major here. I did do the whole freezing-my-arse-off-in-George-Square-while-being-kissed-by-complete-strangers thing, but I have this intense anxiety about crowds, so that was a really bad idea!

Mainly, I enjoy the idea of fresh starts. Anything could happen this year - I could finally finish one of the many novels I've started. I could finally start trying to get one of the two novels I've written published. I could finally lose the rest of that weight that's been plaguing me (or finally get over it and just be happy as I am). I could finally save enough money for a down payment for a flat. I could finally pay off the rest of my debts. I could finally get a job that feels meaningful to me. The list goes on and on. But as I get older, and years go by more quickly, I start seeing my old resolutions as delusions. I start feeling a bit more realistic about what could actually happen in a year. I still come up with resolutions, but they are more concrete. They're SMART resolutions, if you will.

So this year's resolutions are:

Don't eat anything I wouldn't feed to my baby 
She has the best, healthiest diet and I would be much healthier if I ate like she did. She never eats the evil white four: white flour, dairy, salt and sugar. I've managed to cut out dairy, and hardly eat white flour (I don't believe in cutting out bread or pasta, but I eat the whole wheat varieties), and I've cut back on salt since I started giving Serena food that we eat, but sugar is the monkey on my back! Now excuse me while I go finish that box of Pop Tarts so I can start fresh! Does that make me sound like an addict???

Go back to yoga
I enjoy it, it's good for me, there are several places near me that offer classes. This one is just win win, really.

Write every day
It doesn't matter what, it just needs to be something. It keeps me sane.

Be mindful of my speech
This refers to what I say out loud and in my head. Negative self talk is terrible, of course. And I don't want to hear myself complain about anything any more. Also, if I'm really listening to what I say, I'd probably say less, and listen to others more.

Really see my daughter
This is a pre-emptive one. I realised, while I was visiting my Dad at Christmas, that families tend to stop seeing each other. By that I mean, we get an idea of each other in our heads and we're frozen in that mode forever. Parents and children and siblings - we're never able to change in each others' eyes. For example, I think that in my Dad's eyes, I will always be the same as I was when I was a depressed teenager living in his house during the summers between years at university. No matter what I do, how I change, how old I get, I will always be that girl. I don't want to do that to my daughter. I want to see her for how she is, every age. I want to let her change and grow and accept her at every stage.

What about you? Do you have resolutions? What are they? If you have them, good luck for the coming year, I hope you all achieve everything that you want to.

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